HOW TO BE THE GIRL HE WANTS:
the first time someone tells you these words I hope you stick out your hand and catch the letters in the air I hope you crunch them in your fist I hope you shove them back into the mouth they flew out of I hope and pray you are not eight years old and hanging off of a shopping cart and groaning about how bored you are, I hope you were not young like I was the first time I read a magazine on a shelf underneath the candy I hope you weren’t young because I still thought everything I read had to be true - but better yet, I hope these words never find you.
They tell you to be strong but it’s the little things like this that sit on our hips and tangle in our hair and feel like bees when the night gets dark. It’s the little things we could never ever shake off because the minute we tried, we discovered there were more waiting for us.
HOW TO LOOK GOOD FOR SUMMER:
smile more often. I hope the first time someone calls you fat, you shimmy your shoulders and wink and feel like a goddess and take it as a compliment. I hope you are not the new kid in a fifth-grade class, glasses on your nose and your hair in tangles. I hope nobody ever touched your tummy and asked if you were embarrassed by the way it jiggles. I hope if you ever hear those words, you reach out your beautiful fingers and touch the temple of the person talking and ask, “Are you embarrassed your brain works like that?”
See, I have not gained weight since the eight grade and I’m twenty. I have had about four hundred people tell me I’m skinny but it’s only the two or three voices about the thickness of my thighs and the fat on my hips - these are the only voices that stick. Don’t give them that satisfaction. Take a bath. Stare at your reflection. Count the flecks beside your iris. Promise yourself you’re not going to ruin your life - you won’t let them win. Don’t let that moment cause ripples. Yank out the cruelty from your system.
HOW TO HAVE BETTER SEX:
stop faking it. Stop engineering your body to be a call-and-response of bruises and shots. I hope you are not fifteen the first time a boy kisses you hard. I hope you do not go home with a bloody mouth and spend the rest of your life thinking love is stained with iron. I hope you are not swallowing your sanity to be with somebody. I hope the first time you let someone touch you, they are someone worthy of your trust - I hope that nobody tries to force you into a label like “frigid” or “slut.”
In the animal world, most males have bright plumage so they can attract mates. In humans, we expect ladies to look a certain way. When you break out of the norm, suddenly you’re rattling chains. How dare you not want sex and still look this way. Maybe people are scared of admitting your body has power - it can turn heads in a baggy sweatshirt. Your body doesn’t need a magazine’s confirmation. Your body’s been through hell and still keeps on living. Put on your heels and stalk down the sidewalk. Take off your makeup. Do what you need to feel awesome.
HOW TO BE COMFORTABLE IN YOUR OWN SKIN:
ignore everything they tell you. Don’t let them in.— Maybe one day I’ll make a list of every single terrible magazine I’ve read. I think I’m gonna start an advice column called “If it makes them money, it’s probably not good.” /// r.i.d (via rauchwolken)
1. Learn what the female orgasm is, how it works, why it doesn’t have to happen every time, and how you can up your chances of making her feel generally good in bed.
2. Read up on rape culture, what it is, and how you are complicit in it while still being a good, normal, pretty much healthy person.
3. Learn to remove the strong, often false different between the “pure, maternal” women and the “dirty, undeserving-of-respect” women.
4. Work on finding a woman who can be both of those things simultaneously in your eyes.
5. Understand that blanket statements like “women aren’t funny” or “women are too emotional” ultimately only make you look like the object of pity, and not your intended target.
6. Stop calling them “chick flicks.”
7. Get over the fear of looking like “that guy” when you call out your friends for saying really fucked-up, sexist shit around you.
8. Definitely stop saying these sexist things yourself.
9. Eradicate the words “slut” and “whore” from your vocabulary entirely.
10. Only judge a woman’s personal and sexual history if you hold yourself — and every other human — to those same standards, and know that they are only your own, and not objective.
11. Realize that the kind of body pressure we all are faced with is only eradicated if we stop treating certain bodies with extreme shame and degradation, and sayings like “No Fatties” only add to that.
12. Understand that women who don’t fit into society’s ideal beauty standards face a kind of uphill battle that you will never face.
13. Work with competent, strong, thoughtful women and have nothing but respect for the work that they do.
14. Realize that the love and respect that they extend to their mothers, sisters, and daughters, should be extended to every woman, because their family members are not some magical creatures who are exempt from the realities of womanhood.
15. Understand the difference between a sexual preference and fetishizing a certain group of people.
16. Try to make sure that women feel comfortable and safe in your presence, by demonstrating that you are not a threat and have every intention of treating them with respect and care.
17. Do not be offended at the idea that a woman might be scared being alone with you at night if she doesn’t really know you.
18. Feel grateful that you don’t have to live with the same kind of fears that she does.
19. Get rid of the idea that some activities are wholly “feminine” or “masculine,” and accept that there is nothing wrong with a man who does housework and raises children, if that’s what he loves and what his family needs.
20. Be giving and honest with your emotions, because you realize that life is short and that keeping it bottled up or playing cat-and-mouse with it only hurts everyone.
21. Imagine what it would be like if your body were regarded as an unavoidable catalyst to bad things happening that you must now prevent.
22. Lose your fear of weakness, of crying, of showing love. Because all of these things, if they do anything, make you more of the great person you already are.